Color Day!

I am listening to Stay True, by Hua Ha. Narrated by the author. It has reeled me in and now spat me out with grief. I have vowed to come back to this later. Too, too tender. I decided this on the way to the grocery to buy some vinegar for the egg dye.

Arriving home, I appreciated the Scarlet Pimpernel growing in the front yard. I know it's a weed (thanks, Mom!) but its flowers are just about my favorite color. Also I love lawn daisies. I know I'm not supposed to like them (thanks, Mom!) but I do.

When I came back to the store in need of a new and different friend to keep me company while egg dyeing, I went to Libby. Looked for memoirs. Found that Mo Rocca has a book that's not available at the moment, but that he also has a podcast. Thanks, Libby! So I listened to Mobituaries. The first episode was about Laura Branigan. OK. The second is about what I call the Mid-Atlantic Accent. You know, the accent that every American actor used in the 30s-40s (think Bette Davis). Now *that's* fascinating. It included much discussion of what used to be considered an appropriate presidential accent, side discussion on presidential pets, deep dive on the meaning of the "r" sound over the decades, and so much other goodness. Mo Rocca kept me sufficiently entertained during egg dyeing, egg photography and egg dye tie dye.

Did you know this could be done? Please consult these pages (or YouTube) for the answer.

That was just so darned relaxing, I gotta tell you. A great last day of my week off. That, and I got photos from clamdip2020's trip to England, a friend sent a text with Hawaiian sheet music, and mrguy is puttering around making a quesadilla. 

Ahhh.

Easter Eve

Today is Easter Eve. Mrguy and I went up the stairs at the end of the street (huff, puff) and went on a short walk up there. The view today is amazing.

Yesterday, as I mentioned, was filled with obligations. After I decided not to go to the Good Friday service I relaxed. Went into the living room and hung out with mrguy. When he retreated to the kitchenden to watch baseball I stayed and listened to some of the records that I bought at Hungry Ear in January. I started up the Japanese one with the wistful looking guy on the cover -- and the music was hideously orchestral, blowsy (but not in a good way) and in English. I almost called it right there. But I moved the needle to track 2, and it was twangy crazy Ventures-influenced rock. I flipped over the record sleeve to see that this guy was the lead guitarist of The Launchers. It ended up being about 70/30 rock to chanson. It's a keeper.

While I was listening I lay down on the rug and put my legs on the hearth. And I worked on my arm rotation. The physical therapy appointment for my right shoulder isn't for a few weeks, yet. When I rotate my shoulder in a certain way (like when you unhook your bra), it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. But today it feels better because of whatever I did while listening to The Launchers and staring up at the ceiling.

Then I listened to the other record and stared out the window. I need to do that more consciously and more often. 

Good Friday Thoughts

The rev invited me to see some amazing singing that's happening at her church today. I was going to do it (fancy opera singers were on the bill). Then I looked at the church calendar and realized that it is Good Friday, the saddest day on the calendar. I can't do more sads. My feelings are too close to the surface, and this morning was Pilates, a conversation with the oncologist, a conversation with our oncology nurse navigator and a followup / stitch removal at the dermatologist. I'm 50-50 -- of four spots he biopsied two were cancer. One will get burned off, and the other is in the middle of my face and will require Mohs. On the way home the central character of the memoir I'm listening to was murdered. 

I put on my makeup and everything, thinking I was going to hear Bach, but no. Jesus death is too depressing.

In other news I've had a mixed bag of dreams lately. Last night I dreamed that I was at my old restaurant and my section filled up and I simply couldn't get to everyone fast enough (a recurring dream). Then someone wanted a crawfish milkshake. I asked my boss if we had crawdads that week and she said yes, and it was evident that I would have to cook and shell my own crawdads in order to make the milkshake.

A different dream saw me at the forklift factory, which was kinda laid out like a supermarket. Donald Trump was on the PA system telling us that there would be no more awards given to employees, that it cost too much money. I couldn't believe that he had infiltrated my work life somehow, so I put my fingers in my ears and sang really loud so I could drown him out in my own head.

A very rewarding dream had me in a familiar situation in which I had taken incompletes in a few classes repeatedly (I used to do this in undergrad) and then took these classes again and totally flaked until the end. I went to the final but was obviously going to flunk. Instead of reminding myself that I could take these classes again I stopped to realize that none of this mattered because I was about to retire and had already had a career. Now *that* was pretty awesome. 

If I could take control of my dreams more often I'd probably sleep better.

Practicing

I may have mentioned that this is mental health week. I'm trying not to beat myself up too much, if that's possible. I've been high anxiety and low capacity. But I'm also kinda practicing for retirement. What's going to work for me? What do I need in order to be able to enjoy it?

I need to do one productive thing per day. That allows me to enjoy the other things. So this is my yesterday:

• Hanging with mrguy, drinking coffee and talking about politics and cancer
• Genealogy research
• Making organizational schema for family documents
• Estate stuff / Important Mom Docs
• Real estate: past real estate information
• Real estate: tenants, subtenants, floor plans, money stuff
• Family trust stuff

• Office supply store for clear bins
• Sorting, sorting sorting
• Office supply store to swap broken clear bin for an unbroken one

Why would I do this on my week off? Because I want to sort these documents into categories that I know I can discard without worry as soon as possible. I have ten boxes of family stuff in my garage and two empty file cabinets that I want to get rid of. I don't want the emotional burden and the physical space that it takes up. Maybe I'll look at the jade fruit and stuff next. I want to know what I have here at my house.

Then I rewatched the D.A. Pennebaker documentary "'Original Cast Album: “Company'”. I have had "Ladies Who Lunch" stuck in my head for days. Then I looked up where I could listen to the digitized Frontera Collection, and listened to some recordings by Marta Triana and Manuelita Arriola.

A good first weekday.