Improvements Are Happening

I would say that things are on an upswing in memory care, a month in. Of course that all could change.

Mom is no longer talking about her old place and old friends, as if that seven years didn't happen. While I was gone, my family had to deal with some really psycho talk, but I haven't had much of it. In addition, she now wants to join everybody in the activity room for a movie after dinner. And she actually watches!

Last night I came in and they were watching My Octopus Teacher. I had always wanted to see that movie, and mom and our caregiver were transfixed. My sisters texted that they'd had some good conversations with her this afternoon and then I whipped out "We're watching 'My Octopus Teacher'" in the main room. 

That went over quite nicely with my sisters. I know how to reach my audience.

I want for them to see the place like I see it. I want them to see the residents as people, the same way we want people to see our mom. If you take the time, you see the life they lived and the family that loves them or the interesting and quirky behaviors that can sometimes be delightful and charming if you open your heart to it.

I'm going to start using people's names, because I want to keep track of them. HIPAA be damned. On the weekend I learned a few things. Max used to be the chair of the English department at a major research institution. Joseph sat with us at dinner on Saturday. He puts words together in an interesting way that is like conversation but not. And the convo is definitely male. He likes to talk about his work. I was able to piece together (because I grew up around here) that the long thing he described was the linear accelerator and that he'd worked on either big ass bombs or missile defense systems. Janice, who is very loud, is similar to Joseph in that she likes to talk, but her words are about feelings. She gestures to her heart when she talks, or clasps her ropes of Mardi Gras beads. She wants things to be different and wants to know how other people got to the Neighborhood and she wants to talk to people about what she doesn't like. The purposeful walkers are Sally and Al. Sally carries a cane and a purse and "needs to get downstairs" because someone is waiting for her. She walks up and down the hallway. Al also is a purposeful walker, and when he wasn't listening to Janice's life story during the movie yesterday he really found his purpose. Usually he walks up and down the hallway and in front of us all while we're watching a movie, but he was using his tremendous energy to push one of the wheelchair ladies around. I liked that use of his talents.

There's a beautiful lady. Goodness she's captivating. I've never heard her speak. Super soignee. I was determined to get her to engage with me (and hopefully my mom). I just started smiling at her, the way I did with the ladies over at the Subway all those years ago. Eventually they dropped their barriers and engaged with me. And so did the lady in the Neighborhood. I let myself in on Sunday and she beamed at me and said "Hey, pretty lady". I returned the compliment and she and I have had eyeball wocka-wocka ever since. Same with Jane. She walks with a walker, in a gait that can best be described as a stutter. Little tiny jittery steps. She's kinda verbal. And she can smile. I give her my eyes. I try to give everyone my eyes. 

If these are my mom's people, they are also my people.