Post Op

I got my hoo-haw did today. All parts are still there, but they checked things out, took samples and will report back. Here's why.

In August I poked myself while administering an etrogen tablet. Ouch! It bled, so I went to the gyno. My appt was our first meeting, so he wanted to be extra sure about the state of my organs. He ordered an ultrasound.

The paid professional administering the test to me was unable to find the target location, if you get my drift. PAID PROFESSIONAL. Human. Biological female. Kept jabbing me in the pubic bone instead of finding the TARGET AREA. Oy. Also did a shit job on the imaging.

I had to do a second ultrasound. Got the images. Doctor wanted more information. He made an appointment to get in there and take some samples. My body would not cooperate. Had to do an in-patient procedure under general anaesthesia. And that was today.

In the meantime, someone ordered some bloodwork for me. I have anemia. I asked what the next steps are after this diagnosis, and they said that as soon as we figured out my bleeding situation (via the diagnostic procedure we did today) the anemia should right itself. I pointed out that the bleeding was a one-time situation 6 months ago. I'm giving this a day, and then I will ask them to tell me what to do about the anemia. In the meantime I'm eating iron rich foods and cut out alcohol.

As for today? I can't keep my eyes open. My nethers hurt. That anaesthesia stuff really works. And I can't stop using the restroom. I am going to hit the sack, now, and see if I can sleeep off the drugs.

End of an Era

I passed by Dr. Wong's office yesterday on my way to the shoe repair to pick up my cowboy boots. Without so much as a howdy-do, our eye doctor has closed up shop. I told my friend and Pilates instructor, yesterday morning while I was working out. 

She went to the same doctor for her whole adult life. She cried. I think this is as much notice as Dr. Wong gave anybody. I hope that his retirement means that he has lots of time in which to see 1970s soul bands.

Olivia Newton John

It wasn't unexpected that Olivia Newton John passed away recently, but super sad. She was beloved by so many. I had the opportunity to see her when I was a kid, at a casino in Reno. I was there with my parents, at an insurance convention. Pop was the president of the CIA, which I think was the California Insurance Agency. Or was it CAMIA (California Association of Mutual Insurance Agents?) Anyhoo, my parents were broke and we only went on "vacation" when there was an insurance convention and my dad had some reason to go.

Last week, during the move, I inherited his Insurance scrapbooks. Some of his speeches were included in the pages. Took me right back to me coaching him at Tahoe, when he was about to give one of his famous really really monotonous speeches. He literally had a monotone that he'd developed while speaking into a Dictaphone for the benefit of his secretary. I have so many opinions about this, but whatever. What worked for his secretary did not work while speaking to live humans in a ballroom, and he was boring as hell. Super confusing, given that he was a rollicking good laugh when telling stories after dinner, or writing to the local three dot journalist, hoping his quips would be posted, or even writing delicious hate mail to minor local officials. I did my best to remind him not to bore his audience if he wanted to get his ideas across.

Anyway, one of his insurance colleagues had an extra ticket to a show at Reno, and I got to see Olivia Newton John, with Norm Crosby (another of my dark haired celebrity crushes, along with Fred Gwynne, Desi Arnaz and Speed Racer). It was in her Let Me Be There and I Honestly Love You years, and I loved it.

Fast forward many years later to the early 1980s and I was in college and living in a college town and seeing older guys. I brought one of those boyfriends to a dance party / sleepover at a friend's house in my home town and we were up all night raging. The next morning (a Saturday) I had an appointment with a local doctor because I'd previously had an abnormal test. And for some reason I said yes that night to both a then-popular drug starting with a Q, and also a bit of LSD. Pretty sure that that was the last time for both.

The next morning I went to the doctor with said boyfriend and I was apparently still under the effects of this stuff. I remember that my wait at the doctor's was insanely long, and that the wallpaper in the exam room had an orange weeping willow design, and that I was suddenly afraid that my boyfriend would not wait around for me. I asked to change back into clothes and went to the garage where my car was to look for my boyfriend. He was laying on his back, on the hood of my car in the garage, leaning back on the windshield, perfectly happy. I went back up to the exam room, donned the special outfit again, and I distinctly remember hearing Olivia Newton John on the overhead music system singing Have You Never Been Mellow and thinking NO! I am super high and feel like I have never been mellow in my life!! 

The doctor finally came to see me, and it turns out that he was a friend of my family, and part of the same Scandinavian fraternal group that my dad sold insurance for. I managed to have a credible conversation with him about Norway and my concentration on the saga of the 11th Century king Sverri Sigurdsson, and I got out of there without any of us needing to discuss that I was flying high on illegal substances. While having a medical exam. 

Things were different in the 1980s. *I* was different in the 1980s. Take that, Mom!

And RIP Olivia Newton John. Interesting to learn that you also flew high (and more recently) on ayahuasca. Who knew?

I Went Out

My title sounds like the name of an On Kawara piece. Yes, I did go out.

I decided to take some time off recently, because the year is ending and I don't want to leave it hanging. I started Day 1 by taking my mom and myself to the dentist. She arrived an hour early and I arrived 5 minutes late, so he took her back and started working on her issues. I hung out with #1, the best caregiver in the world. It was like old times. I remember our first meeting, when I asked her a question and she told me her life story. This time I was asking her the difference (flavor profile) between a Tongan curry and curry of a different place, like Fiji. As I recall, Fijian curry contains lots of nutmeg, which was surprising.

Around the 20 minute mark the story was winding up to a climax. But instead of learning about spice mix, I heard the story of moving back to Tonga to start a furniture manufacturing business, hiring workers on a work contract from Fiji and learning, by means of a goat in the front yard, that her employees were stealing materials and making furniture for people on the sly. "Nobody gives you a goat for nothing," she said. And then the mama appeared at the door, under escort of the doctor, and the story would have to wait to be finished.

After my *own* dentist visit and a year and a half catchup with the doctor, I was off to my favorite taco truck. Bought two burritos (so comforting!) and then went to doctor visit #2, which was with my brand new primary care doctor. I love her already. I gave her a workout, what with my medical history. And she sent me off with 9 different tasks to take care of before I see her again. And a tetanus shot. And the Shingrix vaccine, which I've heard is a hard one.

The next day I scheduled my obgyn, colonoscopy, echocadiogram, thyroid scan, blood tests, orthopedist appointment, and some other stuff. And the Shingrix started to kick in. I am so grateful to have this vaccine, but it messed with me. The following day was a party to celebrate the newest line of forklifts, and I was *thisclose* to staying home. I attended, wearing my jammies and under the power of much ibuprofen. After the big reveal of the forklifts it was time to go to the ladies' room. Whoa! It was like the before times. No masks, people standing in line close together -- it felt dangerous. I told mrguy that I could hold it just long enough to make it home. So we hoofed it on out of there and I went to bed in those same jammies.

Shingrix is real, people. It will have been worth it but it kicked my ass for several days.