Please Release Me

I have never ended a relationship in non-anger, but I did that last week with miss wartz, a very dear friend of 40 years. She doesn't read mrsguy. 

I love her so much, and we've gone through long periods of time without speaking, which has always been kinda ok. I have a hard time sustaining the feels for this friendship, but when we reunite we can talk about things that we can't talk about with anyone else.

During the pandemic we spoke weekly, mainly initiated and sustained by me for over a year. And then as things eased up a bit and she went back to work in person it was over. It took me about three times asking and her saying maybe next week that I actually got the hint. Oh! This is a thing! I felt like I not only couldn't talk to her but I couldn't talk with her about why she didn't want to talk.

So I waited. 

Then a few months later I reached out about something awkward that I needed closure on if we weren't going to talk any more. I'm sure that this did not make it better. And then I waited until now. Almost a year. But the waiting was stressful and sad. So I wrote to her.

I told her that if there were reasons for the silence I am sorry. But I can't wait and hold that part of my heart open for her until she's ready to be in touch again.

And now I can *not* wait and that feels so very much better.