Most Awful Daughter Award!

Today I gave a deposit and an application to a memory care facility on behalf of the mama.

It's been over a week of daily calls with siblings, caregivers, leadership at her community, and none of all of our efforts are changing the situation. The situation is threats of self harm in the morning, relentless arguing with her caregiver, wanting to be with the bro even though that would be terrible for him and is wife. It suuucks.

My siblings are all retired or don't work for the Man, like I do. Their days can be spent in endless conversation, problem solving and other energy spent on the mama's behalf. I cannot live like this and I certainly can't live the life I am living today endlessly, without a plan in place.

At some point in the morning, the last holdout gave in. I let the sibs know that I'd spoken to a memory care facility, and shared what I knew of it with my siblings. And now we have put in an application for the waiting list. I don't want to be doing this (sending the mama to memory care) but I will. It's the right thing to do, for so many reasons. Among other things, the bro has to stop fighting the mama fight so that he can fight for his life. And I can't continue.

After we dropped off the application, I stopped by the liquor store. And then I made us margaritas in our ice cream maker. It didn't take away the pain, but it was tasty.

Today's another day. Went to see the mama, and after I told her I would not take her away she said that she couldn't believe that I believed "them" over my own mother. And that she's sorry she borned me (I responded that I thought she'd had a pretty good 57 years, but whatever), and that she would like to have her car back (the one that I have to have because she's obsessed with it but can't store at her house). And she said that she thinks she'll make sure I don't inherit anything.


I told her that when we're both in heaven she will understand what happened.

Just about then, one of the nurses from her building came past. I thrust my fists in the air with jubilation. Winnie! I just won the Most Awful Daughter award!! Then I asked her to give mom a Xanax.


I went home and I don't think I'm returning for a while. It's not helping her and despite my best efforts, she got to me today. The pain of her disapproval haunts me.