At this point I don't know how exactly I will extricate myself from this whole mess with my mom. She's kinda obsessed with me, with moving, with everything. There isn't room in her life for my life at all. If I make a move to establish any distance, even if it is a GAZE, she starts complaining, accusing or melting. That's just the emotional stuff. If I leave her alone, she'll probably fall and it will be harder for all of us.
Last night we woke at 3am to look for an imaginary dog. We had to look everywhere, multiple times. Then in the morning we made progress by accepting a shower from a staff member. But soon we were back to the ream of insults, punctuated by a persistent desire to come to work with me. She wants a job. But I can't explain any of the reasoning for why it's not Bring-Your-Almost-95-Year-Old-Mom-To-Work-Day today. So more slings and arrows. "Well someone helped you be where you are today, can't you help me?" "I don't want to just visit, I want a job."
A week ago today we packed her apartment. From that time I began running a marathon. Now that the marathon has concluded I have to sprint uphill until my mom is dead. When it all seems unsurmountable I remind me of the large number of big tasks we've completed successfully in the past month. That's what's keeping me going.
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