I Made it Official

Doing it!!

I made it official this week and declared that January 15th will be my last day at the forklift factory. Now the real work begins. Gotta do a bunch of oral histories of the folks who took VERO. Gotta clean my computer, my email, my server spaces, my office, my cubby and my locker. Gotta sit for my own oral history.

When I told my girlfriend who is my trainer that I made it official she was proud of me but disappointed that it wasn't two weeks.

"You going into 2027 with these ho’s, hell no. Fuck that." I get it, but I want to stick around for my bonus, a computer discount that resets in January -- that sort of thing. 

I leave you with some photos of mostly pink things from our trip:

In downtown Navan

On Inishmore

At an historic site that we didn't really walk into. I just wanted a photo of this lady's coat, but she did not appreciate my attention. Note that this is the Regatta Red Hydra Fort Waterproof Orla Changing Robe. You can get one on ebay but the taxes and shipping are hideous for something that I probably couldn't wear often. For real, I would love to steal this lady's entire style.

In the gardens of said historic site.

Inishmore. Random beautiful geranium.

The One Where I Retire With An Empty Hand v2

Those who don't ask don't get. And sometimes those who do ask don't get. And sometimes those who do ask have confusing conversations about how they're part of the fabric of the company and its history and its culture. And sometimes those on the other end seem to think that because they've told you that they think you're considered important to the company it actually means something for you. 

It doesn't. It is about people in power wanting you to stick around because they like you.

Although that's super nice, it's maddening. It doesn't make you feel appreciated for what you do, it makes you feel -- ornamental. With an empty hand.

In a followup phone conversation with the head of the forklifts I yelled. I said everything that I thought was important. It won't change a thing, but at least I got it all out. 

That, people, was for me.

Retirement Plan

Three years ago I knew I would retire and some day my mom would die. I wanted help preparing for those two big life events, so I hired a therapist. Several months after starting therapy with a nice but very young therapist he told me that he would no longer be accepting my insurance. It was a godsend because I had felt like he was over his head with me. So I found a new person, lickety split. And she's great.

Just in time! Right as my new therapist and I started working together, mrguy got sick and I really needed someone to help me navigate this. And I no longer had the bandwidth to deal with my increasingly cantankerous mom. Mrguy's illness gave me clarity. Readers of mrsguy know the story well.

My retirement plan started in earnest in January. Mrguy's recurrence helped focus my thoughts, as did a realization that I'll never get a chance to do the things I wanted to do in order to prepare for leaving. I have always feared leaving a mess. But that's what work allows me to do -- make messes and move on. I am coming to terms with this, and realizing it has made it easier to let go. 

Finally, I will miss everything about the work people and the work place, but how much of it all do you need? I have tried during my time at the factory to be observant, to enjoy, to smell the flowers -- to appreciate every wonderful thing about it.

I've had a plan for some time. If I get into the Academy of Forklifts I stay for a while. Then if there are layoffs the choice will be made for me. There's a forklift convention where I'm giving some talks, and that would be a good time to say PEACE! and drop the mic. And maybe there will be a forklift bonus at the end of the year. I have a retiring friend who is staying for that. Again, after mrguy had his recurrence I didn't care a whit about any of that. He kinda wanted me to stick around, but I told him that if he died and all I had was a pile of cash to hug I wasn't going to be happy about it. The time is now, you know? But he has a great attitude and thinks he's going to live for a good spell with cancer.

The layoffs are in a few days. My fingers are crossed because that would be the easiest thing. I have an external hard drive coming today, and I'll use it to grab personal stuff off my computer -- all those random folders that say "send home" and the personal mail between mrguy and I. Maybe some resume stuff, like some of my keynotes (or just the text of them). Not so I could give the presentations elsewhere, but to enjoy things I've created. I have made things.

And Hammerslag, you can have those two keynotes I wrote for the big forklift convention next month.