Bouncing Back

We have spent this week dealing with my mother's outbursts and trying to find caregivers. It barely leaves time for work.

I took *two* days off at the head of the week. One was Memorial Day, which I absolutely had to take off after spending the weekend with or recovering from my mom. Then I took Tuesday off in order to talk with her physician's assistant about getting her tamped down. They prescribed her more of her medication, but so far it isn't turning her into the person I want to know.

I tried to describe it to my friend / trainer: 

Me: "I want her to turn into Milton the Monster."

Friend: "What?"

Me: "Gay. They gave him a little too much tenderness until he spoke like Jim Neighbors."

Please make my mom into Milton the Monster!

Oh well.

In the Vortex of Power (sister discussions)  this week there was much ado about caregivers. One gained a lot of weight and my sister is afraid that my mom will be mean to her. The agency I'm working with is hard to communicate with, and I juuuust headed off their sending me a person last night when we didn't need one. The weekend day caregiver I liked is trying to work 7 days a week and will likely not work out for us because that's a lot of work. 

The volume of texts and emails makes me feel like Tippy Hedren in the gas station in The Birds (only a lot less helpless). Pecked to death by tiny birds. And then the caregivers need shopping for mom (unexpected early need for Depends), so I stopped work early to deliver the Depends through a crack in my mom's door so she didn't see me.

Back at home, I found the monthly Depends order on the doorstep. Oy!

I thought I'd cleaned up all of the day's messes and settled everybody down when my mom called. 17 minutes of stream of consciousness nagging. Didn't I think that she wanted to be at the party I'm at with all of the girls? Don't I know that because my she gives me all of her money she should be able to know where I am and who I'm with? I just want her money. And attention and...you get the point.

She finally wound up by saying that now I knew all of the great things that she knows about me. There were more but she couldn't think of them ;)

Night, mom. I love you! See you tomorrow at 10:30. I'll take you for a ride, and to McDonalds.

Then I wrote an email to a potential counselor, describing my situation and need for someone to talk to, and she quickly wrote back to say that it sounded like I wanted a career counselor. Boo. The rejection threw me for a loop and I spent some time crying and feeling sad. Like life was not worth living, etc.

Today is another day. Yeah, the day caregiver was 40 minutes late but the one who had gained weight (according to my sister, and I don't care) seemed really nice and my mom wasn't mean to her. Mom and the caregiver and I went out for a weird ride to a place along the water with old decrepit buildings. The poppies are still out in force. The water was beautiful and you could see the underside of the bridge. 

I dropped them off at my mom's community and mom resumed her "angry seagull" face that I used to find so cute when I didn't see it as often. I darted off in the car that she thinks is hers, and on the way up the hill saw a young mother deer and her spotted baby running in the middle of the street, the baby's back legs coming up off the ground together and shiny black hooves clicking together in the sun. It was a lovely sight.