The One Where Cozy Death Gets The Hook

It's hard enough dealing with my mom, her parade of new caregivers and life in general without also adding Cozy Death. They never really explained who was going to coordinate my mom's care, they didn't communicate with the community my mom lives in, with us or with the doctor. And they kept insisting on services and treatments that we explicitly declined. Oh! And the parade of new people they sent were frightening to my mom (who now hates strangers) and that fear led to outbursts. It's super obvious that she disdains and is even frightened by people of color.

**Trigger warning for those who don't want to read examples of my mom's racism**

I feel a real sense of conflict protecting and trying to love someone who is an outright racist. She turned on the last caregiver because she was black, from Eritrea. I saw the familiar signs: she'll whisper that someone is "bad". And when you don't agree with her opinion, it escalates. Mom thinks she has lots of money (which she does) but she thinks it's in her purse (which it is not) and says that people are stealing from her (also not true). Because they're stealing they are, therefore, bad and dangerous and the police should be called. First the nattering, then the slow burn and then combustion. 

It reminds me of the Bastille Day incident at the gulf coast restaurant where I used to work.

It was July 14th, and we were doing a special French menu. We were playing super Frenchy music on the stereo. I was working the bar, and had a few customers who I was serving. An unsteady woman came in and ordered a vodka and milk. I served her, and went back to my other duties. As Edith Piaf sang La Vie En Rose, the woman began to unravel. I was heading into the kitchen and had just banged through the swinging kitchen doors as she muttered to herself and then said in rising volume "This song is too loud and the music is too loud and AAAAAIIIIIGHHH!!!!!" Her scream was her ticket to a gentle escort onto the street.

Can't say that I like Edith Piaf either, lady.

So yesterday morning I terminated our contract with Cozy Death. I had hopes that they would help with figuring out some meds that would calm mom down. Instead it added to her anger.

And today we have a new caregiver. Hope I don't have to intervene. Hope I don't have to hear unkind thoughts and my mom's fantasies about punching or killing people.

It's getting a little old.