Voice Memo

When I visited my mom yesterday to deliver supplies and meet our caregiver (who has been fabulous so far), I arrived to find mom with a death grip on a pillowcase, swatting the caregiver and threatening to kill her. By the time I left, she had kissed her on the cheek, sweetly.

In between:

She tried to break my finger. She tried to bite me. She likes to fix her mean, almost turquoise eyes on you, and sneer while crunching whatever part of you she's got a grip on. It's pretty cinematic.

Then she went on many unpleasant rants, captured on my iPhone. Thank you, Steve Jobs, for Voice Memo!

Mom:  I hope somebody kills her. Got it? She is trying to kill us. I'm going to get up and see if I can hit her [the caregiver] in her head. And if you get in my way I'm going to hit you.

Mom: You want someone to come up to you and say "I'm going to kill you?" 

Me: That didn't happen.

 

Mom: You don't care if you live or die?

Me: You are extra extra today

Mom: You're the baby I shouldn't have had.

Me: I know, but that's your fault, not mine

In the background, on tv, soothing Ben Napier of HGTV's Home Town waxes rhapsodic about what he loves about cedar.

Mom: I don't want to die. I want to stay with you. 

Me: Please don't die, then.

Mom: You better be working on saving me.

Me: Every day I work on saving you. It's my life mission.

Later

Mom: You're stupid....

Me: I may be stupid, but I love you. I don't really know what to say when you say such awful things, mama.

And this crazy interlude, where she began hectoring me about my not having a baby went on forever. She was sobbing and snapping at me and that seems to be about abortions of the past. I never had one, but other family members did.

Mom: Aren't you glad? Sure. You didn't want a baby anyway. Well you could have let somebody else have it.

Me: That's gross.

Mom: You're such a dumb bunny. I'll sock you. 

And then the weird riff -- 

Mom: You never did want children. We'll get you a gun and you can have it. Yeah -- other people's children, You HAVE, too. And you made up children.

Me: I made up children? Ok, I did.

Mom: I've seen it happen. I'm gonna hate you. 

Me: It's ok. You can hate me if it makes you feel better. I love you. 

Mom, sobbing -- That's what you wanted. You wanted NO children. Don't you feel good? You're stupid...stay away from me from now on. You're ugly. 

Me: You trained me not to fight back, lucky duck!

Mom: I want to go home right now. Maybe I could find somebody to give a child. I feel sorry for the child.

And...scene!

Tomorrow mrguy and I are going for a few days out on the Coast. I gave my sisters the information for the mortuary and I told them I hope they get to use it. I asked them not to call me, email any of my email addresses or contact me in any way because I don't care and I hope she dies soon.