What If It's OK?

A few months ago I saw an odd piece of jewelry at an auction and had to have it -- a beautifully outlined diamond question mark pendant. The flip side is an engraving of a four leaf clover.

I had a loop made for it so I could put it on a chain, and it has not left my neck since. I assigned meaning to the question mark -- "What if it's ok?" That's what I said to myself one day early on in this year of cancer and fear and juggling various concurrent maladies. I wrote it down. Sometimes I have to remind myself of this. I bring my hand to my chest and the pendant is there, and I remind myself that there is a chance that things *are* ok. It's so easy to think otherwise.

Last week mrguy had a PET scan. And a CT the next day, for some reason. And labs on Saturday prior to mrguy's chemo appt on Monday. The PET scan said that there were no worrisome lesions. And that there is no cancer in his esophagus. And all of his lymph nodes are clear. I read it a billion times. The CT report came in right before our pre-chemo doctor meeting. Also clear. 

Moments before the doctor appeared on video, the CA 19-9 blood report came in on the portal. Readers of mrsguy may recall that this is a blood test that measures free-floating cancer. Normal is below 35. The week after his first chemo, his number was 61,400something. An absurd number that I imagined was like a Raid commercial -- cancer trying to get out of every crevice once the chemo was in the system.

On Monday that number was 30.

The doctor says mrguy is in "complete remission".

Also, "I'm not supposed to say this but it's a miracle".

What now? We keep on keepin' on. He does the same chemo because it's working. He has his eye surgery next Friday. Beyond that we don't know what happens.

I will keep wearing the pendant, that's for sure.