Mr Guy Will Not Eat His Brother The Pig

One evening after a long day in the studio, Mr Guy and Mr Seattlefriend returned to the Oakwood Corporate Apartments where they were shacking for the duration of the recording of Instrumental Band's album #3. Mr Seattlefriend controlled the man stick and was therefore responsible for the night's viewing and what happened afterward. He selected the David Letterman show. Stupid pet tricks was on, and a guy brought a big old hog with him.

David Letterman: "What is your hog's trick?"

Pig Owner: "My pig will enjoy a breath mint."

So the guy tosses the pig a breath mint. The pig eats it and begins inhaling and exhaling quickly, to enjoy the cooling sensation of the mint. The pig seemed so smart, and Mr Guy was taken with the pig's soulful eye. A kinship was formed at that moment and Mr Guy decided that he would not eat his brother the pig.

Henceforth, "brother" became code for pork in our house and the greater Guy Family. I like Campbell's Bean and Brother soup, for example. And on my pizza, brotheroni, but I buy turkeyroni for the Guy Home.

Now he doesn't stress if someone serves him brother, and occasionally he's had to fall off the brother wagon, most notably when he toured Germany for a month with Mr Guy South's band. Germany, as MG describes it, is a country paved almost entirely with pigs.

MG's barnyard family has expanded of late to include his sister the duck, and I know that when I hear him speak of an animal's "soulful eye" that we're going to at some date include that animal in our pantheon of inedible critters. Some people don't eat things with a face. Some people don't eat things that poop. Some people don't eat things that are smarter than the bands they record. Mr Guy is on the slippery slope to vegetarianism because of his capacity to love all things.

We can always eat otter.