Wow

Something Fearless said this week reminded me of a story from...The Old Place.

One of my favorite things about the old place was the old supermarket. It had been a bowling alley but by the time we moved to town it was a tidy but grimy little mom and pop market.

Without this place I could not have survived our lean years. Greens were 69c a bunch, and I never spent more than $10 at a time there except on a rare occasion. They'd get odd lots of food for cheap, some of it in the category of "expired, but tasty." We lived on expired Tasty Bites Indian food in a pouch, carrots and rice for at least a year while I was on graduate school.

Occasionally I'd treat myself. You could buy fancy Swiss chocolate bars, three for a dollar or chips or something fun for next to nothing. How the nice owner made his dollar, I don't know.

One day I saw some Pringles and had a complete craving. We never had those as kids. The absurd flavor, Pizza, made me need it even more. I came home, popped open the can, grabbed a stack of Pringles and the National Enquirer and started relaxing. About ten minutes later, my stomach started feeling like it was bubbling. Then the absurd and horrible gas storm began.

Mr Guy came in and raised his eyebrows in alarm. The stench was eye watering. The discomfort was...long and awful. In the morning I woke up and in typical Mrs Guy fashion immediately grabbed for the Pringles. Mr Guy had put them away, which I thought was very impolite. But I found them and ate them, trying to settle my stomach by means of starch and fat. What a bad idea.

I went off to my computer to start a day of sleuthing. Mr Guy came in the office and saw the Pringles. His eyes opened wide. "I hid those." "I found them." "They're 'Wow' chips. They contain Olestra." "Oh no!!!!" For those who never tried a "Wow" chip, please refer to the previous paragraphs. For fully 1/4 of people who ingest Olestra you're going to have a similar experience. Or so I learned from the complaint line at Procter and Gamble. They call it a food. I am among the 1/4 of the people who ingest Olestra and produce lava. I spent some quality time with the complaint guy. He sent me coupons for makeup and samples of foundation that burnt my face. I think it was both covering up and removing my wrinkles.