Gratitude

What do I love about the season? Lights. Lobsters. Leftovers.

Yesterday we put the lights on the deck, which we intended to do weeks ago but couldn't find the time to do. And I put up the COVID tree. Year 2 of the COVID tree. What do I love about the COVID tree? It's twinkly, the ornaments are amazing and it took 14 minutes to assemble and decorate. Makes me so darned happy.

Then I put the lobsters in Santa hats on the mugo pine in the front yard, just to give the local dog walkers something to talk about, and I am DONE!

We had a fantastic sunset last night, and I took the same photos as I did last year. Let the season begin! If by season, I mean twinkly light season.

Wooooo!!!

InGratitude

It's Thanksgiving and I am grateful for many things. And some others I just have to confront with humor and pissy-ness.

I am grateful that the first part of Thanksgiving was chill. That I decided to only have the mama over for one night. That choice let me cook the day before Thanksgiving and have most of the Thursday left for hanging out and watching the parade and the dog show with the mama, which was lovely for a while. Mom said that it was the smoothest parade ever, but I think she was maybe thinking that our meal preparation was the smoothest ever. I spent less of the parade and dog show cooking.

But the afternoon and evening were a complete pile of doo. Not exactly sure what happened, but the mama's mood turned foul and there were so many questions and no good answers.

I will back up and remind people that she doesn't understand that she has Alzheimer's. She can't retain information. Her natural instinct to blame and criticize and doggedly retain information that irks her (and then tell you all about it) is in full control. For this reason, you can't tell her anything. You can't tell her that she won't be sleeping in her customary guest bedroom because mrguy had a migraine and we decided not to move the furniture just for her one night of pleasure. You can't tell her that one reason she's spending the night is that her caregivers have the day off, and that she needs constant supervision in order to be safe. You can't tell her shit. But here's what she can tell you (if by you I mean me)

• Your hair is stringy
• You should do something with your nails
• It's a wonder you can find anything in your office
• Your husband should go stand on the corner where they put things that nobody wants
• You should have had me over for lunch, instead, and then taken me home
• Your cat is spoiled
• Your face looks sad
• Are you enjoying my car? (This is my car that I've faked her into thinking is hers)
• Are you enjoying the chair? (my dad's chair, which was my grandfather's chair and is now here)
• I should have kept some of the diamonds I gave you for your wedding ring for myself. Do you like your ring?
• You're rushing me to get out of here tomorrow
• 3am: I want to go home now
• 5am: I want to go home now
• To my brother: did you adopt two puppies so wouldn't be able to travel and see me?
• I wonder what the rest of the family is doing today? (this was especially awful because everybody was good about calling to wish her a happy Thanksgiving.
• I've never felt so unwelcome anywhere in my life

The negativity was relentless.

Lessons learned? Alzheimer's is hard for her every single day. She needs people to lash out at in order to feel like she has some agency in her life. Big lesson -- no more staying over at my house. I want to protect mrguy from her bullshit, and it doesn't seem like it's safe at night (she was really wiggly on one of her nighttime trips and I was afraid that she'd fall in the bathroom). 

I've worked it all out. I've already figured out how Christmas will work, and I have asked my older sister to take care of her on New Years Day. For years I have hosted the mama on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and then my sister and I have taken her on a trip on her birthday. I'm already anticipating the fit she will throw, but at least she'll be throwing that fit at her place.

I Went Out

My title sounds like the name of an On Kawara piece. Yes, I did go out.

I decided to take some time off recently, because the year is ending and I don't want to leave it hanging. I started Day 1 by taking my mom and myself to the dentist. She arrived an hour early and I arrived 5 minutes late, so he took her back and started working on her issues. I hung out with #1, the best caregiver in the world. It was like old times. I remember our first meeting, when I asked her a question and she told me her life story. This time I was asking her the difference (flavor profile) between a Tongan curry and curry of a different place, like Fiji. As I recall, Fijian curry contains lots of nutmeg, which was surprising.

Around the 20 minute mark the story was winding up to a climax. But instead of learning about spice mix, I heard the story of moving back to Tonga to start a furniture manufacturing business, hiring workers on a work contract from Fiji and learning, by means of a goat in the front yard, that her employees were stealing materials and making furniture for people on the sly. "Nobody gives you a goat for nothing," she said. And then the mama appeared at the door, under escort of the doctor, and the story would have to wait to be finished.

After my *own* dentist visit and a year and a half catchup with the doctor, I was off to my favorite taco truck. Bought two burritos (so comforting!) and then went to doctor visit #2, which was with my brand new primary care doctor. I love her already. I gave her a workout, what with my medical history. And she sent me off with 9 different tasks to take care of before I see her again. And a tetanus shot. And the Shingrix vaccine, which I've heard is a hard one.

The next day I scheduled my obgyn, colonoscopy, echocadiogram, thyroid scan, blood tests, orthopedist appointment, and some other stuff. And the Shingrix started to kick in. I am so grateful to have this vaccine, but it messed with me. The following day was a party to celebrate the newest line of forklifts, and I was *thisclose* to staying home. I attended, wearing my jammies and under the power of much ibuprofen. After the big reveal of the forklifts it was time to go to the ladies' room. Whoa! It was like the before times. No masks, people standing in line close together -- it felt dangerous. I told mrguy that I could hold it just long enough to make it home. So we hoofed it on out of there and I went to bed in those same jammies.

Shingrix is real, people. It will have been worth it but it kicked my ass for several days. 

Adventures in Making Stuff: Kefir

A woman on my buy nothing group was giving out kefir grains. Mrguy likes kefir, and I wanted to try it, so I raised my hand and now I'm doing the things!

It's beyond easy. You take the kefir grains (tapioca-like balls, swimming in milk snot), add them to some fresh milk, cover with a semi-permeable barrier (I use a coffee filter) and wait. In one day it's kefir, a fermented milk product that is tasty and super good for you. I have been flavoring mine with some pureed berries and adding a little sugar. 

Here it is getting ready to be kefir. Hiding behind some cat grass that I'm giving away to the people on buy nothing.

And here it is after I've flavored it. 

The whole group of us that she gave grains to are having a good time adding kefir to things (instead of buttermilk in pancakes, for example) and basically geeking out.

Good times! I had heard of making kefir but couldn't quite picture the process until I was gifted the grains.

And now I am one!

Halloween Update

I completely forgot that what I *do* like about Halloween is mrguy's enthusiasm. He enjoys making a scary Jack-O-Lantern and giving candy to kids.

He hit it out of the park on the pumpkin. And I have to say it looks smashing on the blue chair.

The kid part was mixed. We live on a dark, hilly block that nobody comes to. Our neighbors from a few houses down brought their kids over. And a cute duo appeared at our door wearing white outfits with orange pillows taped to their tummies (they were sake nigiri). Mrguy brought in the pumpkin and put the lemons back in their basket on the blue chair. Then about 15 minutes later a crowd appeared, and I heard clamdip at the door saying I'd be home. Much doorbell ringing ensued as I scrambled to find the candy. Clam had brought pretty much all of the neighborhood kids with her. So cute! One of the girls got really excited because we had lemons on our porch and asked if she could take them (that's what they're for). Those lemons made her happier than the candy, I think.

Anyhoo, a few days later I thanked the Jack-O-Lantern for his service and made him into soup. It was definitely a mrsguy kinda soup, featuring what I call "pie". What is pie? Once I had my sister over for dinner and I made a dessert that consisted of a fruity, blended sauce poured over some pound cake. What's in the sauce? Frozen berries and pie. Pie? Yeah, I had a piece of pie in the fridge so I put it in the blender with the other stuff. It was delicious, as pie often is.

In this case, pie was all the good stuff from the freezer. Some frozen leftover red curry pumpkin sauce from the Thai restaurant, homemade chicken stock, and some liquid from an eggplant dish that I made many times in the last few months. And then a little bit of store-bought curry powder.

It tasted fantastic. And now on to the Holidays.