Undressing the Orange

This weekend I did not see my mom. And it felt great. Yesterday I returned a piece of broken furniture at FedEx (ours -- Wayfair -- say no more) and tried to get a lamp fixed (mom's) and I learned that the wonderful woman who repaired lamps has closed her shop. I am grateful for all of the lamps that she refurbished in the last year. And her niece's haunting cd that I purchased after listening to it waiting in line in the store. 

Instead of fixing the lamp I asked my sister if she wanted to go to breakfast (she was at mom's). And we had a really nice time catching up and talking about some things that didn't involve mom. And then I bought groceries and slept on the sofa and it was great. 

Today I attended the monthly writer's hangout where everybody is mostly much older than I am (how is this possible?) and the prompt was based on a woman's poem and was to start "I have a friend who...". The person who wrote the original poem apparently said that she had a friend who was 18 years old before she had undressed an orange in public.

That may be one of the best things I've heard in months.

One of the best dreams I've had in months involved Jimmy Carter who, as we know, is in hospice right now. I dreamed that I dropped in on his house in Plains, Georgia, and there was a houseful of friends and family tending to him. It was very casual -- a shoes-off sort of house with laundry to be folded strewn about and people puttering around making food. I slipped under the sheets with Jimmy Carter and comforted him, patting his skinny arm. The interior walls were paneled and lightly whitewashed. I kept asking if I'd come at a bad time and the people in the house seemed to think it was all pretty normal.

I hope you're doing ok in your journey, Jimmy Carter.

Spice Bars

I went in search of my mom's spice bar recipe last week. I made it and was not disappointed. It was amazing and I might have to make it again this weekend. Back in the day mom was a volunteer at the local "junior museum", a nature museum where she worked as a marsh docent, modeled in fundraising fashion shows and worked shifts at the annual Show House. Sometimes I worked those shifts also, even though I was a child. Mom's recipe eventually made it into a Show House cookbook that was also a fundraiser. The scan below must be from one of those. For the best texture use oil, not shortening.

A new treasure that I just had to have, from a blind box series of cats and shrimp. I was lucky enough to get the one I wanted. Looks so much like boy kitten :)

So much like the boy kitten that when a friend tagged me in a fb ad for a customized aloha shirt thing, which I could not resist clicking on and futzing around with, and when I could not find a good photo of boy kitten to add to an aloha shirt, I used the above photo, to full effect.

It's Saturday

We're waiting for my oldest friend in the world that nice boy to arrive. I was busy pressing "publish" on that last post and we had heard the mailman's truck pull up and the doorbell rang so mrguy opened the door thinking it was either our friend or mailie. Instead, it was the Jehovas. "Hey, how are you doing since Covid?" asked a man in a straw hat, wearing a tie. "Oh hi. We're waiting for a friend right now so we need to go," says mrguy.

Which reminded him of a story. Many many years ago when some of his friends were young and sharing a house, the Jehovas came to the door. While one of the roommates was engaging with the folks at the front door, the guy said "We just want people to read the Bible". At that moment, two roommates appeared with pantry items. As the story goes, they held cans in their outstretched hands and said "We just want people to eat corn" and chased the now freaked-out visitors down the walk.

We just want people to eat corn.

Happy Saturday.

Things She's Wrecked In One Week

Good night, TV. She pulled you by the cord a week ago today, and now we get to order one and take time off of work to set it up:

Good night, lamp. Mom really liked you. She bought you at a garage sale we went to twenty years ago, and later found out it had a secret way of turning on (too challenging to describe) which has confounded every single new caregiver that has had to deal with it.

And we might as well add the phone, which is a replacement for the one she threw at someone a while ago.

The jade fruit, a staple decorative item from her past, are trembling in a bin in the closet. 

A Banner Day

Last night while we were eating pizza and watching Suits, the boy kitten joined me on the sofa. His little peets reached out and touched me, which was a banner moment all by itself. His big brother stepped over him to get to the crook of my legs, which is where he likes to be when I'm curled up and eating dinner on the sofa.

Nothing happened. No cat conflagration. Nothing.

Big kitty sat in my crook and occasionally flicked his long tail. Boy kitten, peets still outstretched, occasionally reached out for his tail.

Boy kitten fell asleep with his paws on his brother's tail. 

It was wonderful.

Cairns

I am a curmudgeon, and I have a pet peeve.

Our friend mrguy south is a curmudgeon and a landscape architect, and leading up to his recent visit I had intended to ask him whether he and I shared this particular pet peeve.

While he was visiting, and before I could even ask, it came up in conversation. He was showing us photos from a camping trip and there it was in one of his photos. I didn't even know what they were called until he went OFF about how much he hates cairns.

Cairn: A mound of stones erected as a memorial or marker.

The people of yore made cairns to mark important sites, like graves. But if you are making a cairn, unless you have gotten in a time machine and are making one in the very distant past, you are just an asshole. Your cairn is visual noise that you are making in order to stake your claim to territory so that everybody knows you were there first. Your cairn is meaningless and you are, in the language of my people, a dick.

Mrguy south describes himself as a cairn kicker. "If I see one, I will kick it over. Even if you're right there and you just made it, I will come kick it over." Right on to you mrguy south, and to the National Park Service's Yosemite rangers who just posted about it on their Facebook page. They have described cairn-making as "a mark of human impact [that] is distracting in a wilderness setting. Building rock cairns also disturbs small insects, reptiles, and microorganisms that call the underside home!”.

And they say it's ok to knock them down. This photo is from 2019. My impression? It looks like an overfull cat box.

Kick em!!

My Favorite Brick

I walk past this building every day at work, and I always look forward to seeing my favorite brick.

 

Mom Yells About Money

Sometimes when things are really exasperating I record my mom's rants. In this one, she describes how commerce works. Sorta. I enjoyed having the transcription program at work digest this phone call and then tidying it up on my holiday. I have called this piece "Mom Yells About Money (a dialectic in which mothers can threaten to kick your ass if you don't do what they say)."

For the purpose of this blog entry, the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Rose: Mom’s primary caregiver

CeCe: Me

Suzie: My sister, who takes care of all of our mom's finances.

++++

Me: Hi, Mama. 

 

Mom: Who is it?

 

Me: It's CeCe. It's the baby. 

 

Mom: Is it Rose? 

 

Me: It's your youngest child. It's CeCe. 

 

Mom: How do we get ahold of the money we need to give to the bank?

 

Me: Oh! I can give you some money. 

 

Mom: You can give me the money? 

 

Me: Sure. Yes! What kind of money do you need, Mom? 

 

Mom: You said you could give me the money? You can give it to me right now. 

 

Me: I’m working right now. 

 

Mom: When?

 

Me: I could give you the money tomorrow. What money do you need?

 

Mom (to Rose): How much money do we need?

Rose: I don’t know, Mama, what you talking about. I don't know what you say something about money. 

 

Mom: (To me): How much money do we need?

 

Me: If I give you $100, would that be good?

 

Mom: How much money do we need?

 

Me: How about $100? 

 

Mom: (exasperated) How much?

 

Me: How about one hundred dollars?

 

Mom: Twenty dollars? 

 

Me: Oh, I could give you $20!

 

Mom: How much money do I need?

 

Me: You tell me. Why do you need money, Mama? Who is asking you for money? 

 

Mom: I need the money right now so the bank will close our businesses

 

Me: Oh, I think you're fine, Mama. I don't think that you need it. Who told you? Who told you that you needed the money? 

 

Mom: It's what CeCe says.

 

Me: I'm CeCe. 

 

Mom: CeCe says you need a hundred dollars.

 

Me: I'll give you $100 if you want. I'll give you $100. 

 

Mom: When?

 

Me: Tomorrow!

 

Mom: Can you give it to me today? 

 

Me: No. 

 

Mom: Why not? 

 

Me: Because I’m working 

 

Mom: Do you have twenty dollars?

 

Me: I do have $20. Yeah. I can give you $20 tomorrow. 

 

Mom: You can give it to me. To-morrow. Can I come and pick it up? 

 

Me: No. But I can bring it to you. 

 

Mom: When can you bring it to me?

 

Me: After work tomorrow. 

 

Mom: Can you bring it to me today? 

 

Me: No. But I can bring it to you tomorrow. 

 

Mom: When tomorrow? 

 

Me: After work. 

 

Mom: After work’s when?

 

Me: 6 p.m.

 

Mom: I need it tomorrow early.

 

Me: I can bring it after work tomorrow. Mama, who is asking you for money? 

 

Mom: I need the money for tomorrow.

 

Me: Why do you need the money? 

 

Mom: Because there are bills to be paid and they are not being paid. 

 

Me: Oh, Suzie pays your bills. 

 

Mom: We all need it and I’m trying to collect it so we’ll all have to eat it and have it for dinner tomorrow.

 

Me: Oh. Ok. Well Suzie will pay your bills for you.

 

Mom: It’ll be what?

 

Me: Oh, it's going to be paid by Suzie. 

 

Mom: I need the money tomorrow. Can you give it to me today?

 

Me: Well, I can give it to you tomorrow. 

Mom: What about today and then it will all be done?

 

Me: Hmmmm. Tomorrow.

 

Mom: This is CeCe? Why can’t you give it to me tomorrow?

 

Me: I will give it to you tomorrow. Okay?

 

Mom: CeCe, I need the money today because I need to have the bills paid today.

  

Me: Your bills are paid for you by Suzie, and you do not have to worry about your bills. Your bills are automatically paid.

 

Mom: I need the money today so I could pay the bills. 

 

Me: What I'm telling you is that Suzie pays the bills. You do not need to pay the bills. Suzie pays your bills for you. 

 

Mom: I need the bills to pay them.

 

Me: You do not. Suzie takes care of that for you. Can you say that? “Suzie pays my bills for me?”

 

Mom: I need them today so that I can pay them.

 

Me: Oh. Suzie doesn’t need it today.

 

Mom: Because it’s already due. 

 

Me: Because it's already paid. 

 

Mom: (Screaming): I need it today!! Do you understand?!!

 

Me: Okay. 

 

Mom: Can I come and get it now?

 

Me: I'll bring it tomorrow. I'll bring it first thing tomorrow.

 

Mom: Just a minute 

 

(Starts talking to caregiver with hand over mouthpiece. Muffled sounds of the caregiver telling her that she doesn’t need money and that it isn’t safe to keep money in her room).

 

I pretend that we’re starting the conversation fresh. Spoiler: that doesn’t work.

 

Me (brightly): Hi Mama! How are you today?

 

Mom: Mom (super cross) I need the money now.

 

Me: Oh! Really? But, Mama, are you…can you hear me? Are you listening to me? Are you listening to me? 

 

Mom: I don’t need it tomorrow when I already need it today.

 

Me: Oh, well, I'm going to bring it to you tomorrow.

 

Mom: No. I need it today.

 

Me: And I'll make sure that the bank knows. 

 

Mom: I need it today so I can take care of my bills TO-DAY

 

Me: Hey, lady. You know what, Mama? You do not have any bills to pay. 

 

Mom: How ‘bout bringin’ it over today. I need it today. And then I’ll be safe.

 

Me: Mama, you're safe. I will make you safe. You're safe, Mama. Is that what's wrong? You don't feel safe?

 

Mom: I give you money and when you give it to me I put it in the bank. Then I take it out of the bank and I take it to the people that say “You owe me” and I say “OK”. 

 

Me: That's how it used to work. But now, now your bills come to Suzie, and Suzie pays your bills for you.

 

Mom: See? You do know when I knew and when you need it and then you can ask me back later. You can say so and so, then your mother, so I need to have it today so I can pay it (yelling) TOMORROW.

 

Me: Hmmm. Well (stalling)

 

Mom: (Shrieking) Where is your husband?

 

Me: Uhhh…He’s at the grocery store. Why?

 

Mom: Wherrrrre is your great big boy? 

 

Me: (Laughing) My great big boy is at the grocery store. 

 

Mom: That’s a lovely place from him. Now…as soon as he gets home from greesery, would you tell him to come to your house and give you Muhhhh-Naaaaay??!! Because you borrowed money and I need it so I can pay the bills. Liiiiiiikkke we can get food for all of us to eat and then would you do that? Then you have paid the bills. If I’ve said give me the money and I’ll say “Sure! Come on over and I’ll give it to ya. Got it?”

 

Me: Sure.

 

Mom: I’ll kick you in the ass.

 

Me (brightly): Oh. Ok. All right. I will tell that to mrguy. OK? I’m going to hang up now. 

 

Mom: Are you going to give us the money you owe us so we can all eat? (clears throat)

 

Me: Mama. I gotta go now. I’m working and I gotta go now. But I’ll make sure you get the money, ok?

 

Mom: Are you going to come over and give me the money you owe me so I can pay (shrieking) YOUR BILL?

 

Me: Sure!

Mom: So if you do that then I’ll pay you your rat.

 

Me: All right. I'll talk to you a little later, Mama. See you later. Bye.

Aphasia

Ever since I started taking anti-anxiety medication a number of years ago I have a real problem summoning the right words in conversation. And I have always had a problem with names. But I'm pretty great at prompting others to provide those names. 

While driving yesterday, I was trying to tell mrguy a story about our nephew's recent trip to New Mexico. He says that you can stay at this famous house that was owned by a famous female artist, and I just can't summon her name but I'm assuming that if I tell him the name of the property he'll know what I'm talking about.

The conversation went like this:

Me: D says that you can stay at Ghost Ranch.

Mrguy: Huh?

Me: You know, the place where that artist lived. "I paint flowers, but they're really vaginas."

Mrguy: Georgia O'Keeffe

Me: Yes!

Superstition

A prompt from elsewhere. Superstition.

The calendar says it’s November 2000. I’ve done it. I’ve turned in the final papers for my masters degree. I am also in the third month of my job. In the next week I will receive 300 boxes of art books that I am expected to turn into a library some day for the company. In the next week we will also move the entire company to a different building in a different city. In the next month I will spend weekdays at work and weekends with my siblings, caring for our dad who will die a few days before Christmas. For five, ten, fifteen and twenty years I will struggle to eventually find my place in the company, and in the work I do. I will grudgingly love it and later will enthusiastically and nerdily love it and be known for it. I will suffer less, but take on the suffering of my mom. We will all suffer together, and the work that I do will turn into a refuge, even while getting more difficult and complex. How either suffering will end is a bit of a mystery.

But it started here. At a naugahyde-covered door that serves as my desk. In a little brick former post office that serves as our house. Somewhere under all that paper is a Magic 8 Ball. I’d consult it a dozen times a day, hoping that signs would point to yes. Yes, you will some day live pretty much pain-free. Yes, you will get an A in Cataloging. Yes, If you keep going to school you will graduate and get a job that will allow you to pay your bills. Even after the heat wave that melted the Magic 8 Ball, it had *just* enough liquid inside to provide answers. The poor mishapen oracle went the way of all things when we moved to our first real home, but I just may need to buy a new one to help me navigate the current uncertain times.