But what if there is never silence? Or stillness? The birds are cheeping after a brief shower, and the sound of 90s rock bands drifts up to me from downstairs, where the husband is digitizing 4 track tapes in the man room. There's tinnitus and traffic. But the sound that I carry around with me most is not the sound of breathing or internal organs but my internal music. I have an internal jukebox that is almost always spinning snippets of familiar songs.
The inner jukebox currently features the songs of The Kiffness, a musician who autotunes memes of funny animal sounds as the basis of musical collaborations. His songs are devilishly catchy.
Currently playing: Hold Onto My Fur
But my head could be conjuring any song or part thereof. The theme from Suits. Or Jerry Lewis singing "I'll See Your Light". This is a pop song that a friend who died sent me summer before last. Every time I think of him I see the youtube video in my mind, where a fervent and sweaty Jerry Lewis gives it his all, wearing a cherry red golf sweater, on Hullabaloo. He looks like he might have some artificial energy going on there...and it is really compelling.
Sometimes I don't even know the songs are there. I find my foot jiggling in a certain rhythm and work back to see what my brain is doing. Or my fingers are working a specific pattern and I find I'm typing out a lyric to a song I didn't even know was in my head.
I'm not sure I'm cut out for silence. Or stillness. But I'll look for some today.
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