Jurojin

As readers of mrsguy know, I grew up in a house that contained lots and lots of Asian antiques. The reason for this is that Grandmother's final design phase was her Asian art phase. Thank god she didn't die during her French Provincial period. After granny died mom consigned some of her stuff (I wish she hadn't gotten rid of the gunbai that I see in some old photos!) but kept a lot of it. In later years she said that she felt the duty to this stuff and regretted that she had all of it. But she could have divested...and she didn't. Now she's passing along the duty to keep it to all of us.

When she moved to memory care she got very wrapped up in giving things away, because she decided she was going to move to Los Angeles. It was super tedious. But I gave in and took her much beloved bronze of Jurojin, because that seemed to setttle her down. When she dies, I can give it to someone else. But I have to keep it because she asks for stuff back. 

Anyway, before she got Covid and broke her pelvis and lost her effing mind, she liked to think that she'd given the statue to mrguy. What mrguy really does with it is use it to hold up our bills and other incoming mail on the dining room table. I love it : ) He does not think it's funny at all.

While he had a migraine last night (and who wouldn't, as the husband of a woman who's been in bed with Covid for 10 days who also has a mom with all of the previous issues?) he had a horrible dream. Perhaps this is payback for the many times he has tortured me with his imitation of Karen Black as a devil doll in Twilight Zone, but last night he dreamed that Jurojin came to life. His head was able to move side to side and everything.

If that doesn't scare you, I don't know what will!

Unbelievable

Just when you think it can't get worse...

Nobody knows how to handle my mom. She was pretty good when she got home yesterday, but now she's violent. Scratched and hit her caregiver. Won't take her meds. Is throwing things and breaking things. Threatening to kill people.

The Hammer is maxed. The nurse has called to tell us what's happening. The Hammer called me to say that we're having a shift change and mom will be with a new caregiver (a stranger) and she's fearful of what mom will do. I told her that we couldn't really call the cops on her because she's not a real danger to anyone or herself. What's the worst thing that could happen? She could gouge her eyes out, apparently. My opinion is that if she did, then we'd have something to go on. You can't call the cops when all that's happening is that a bedridden person is violently angry from their bed. After I said this I heard unhappy sounds on the other end of the phone.

I ended my conversation by suggesting that my sister call the new caregiving folks and asking how *they'd* handle it. She did, but after that we had another conversation in which she suggested there was an impending lawsuit. I was clutching my pearls over that one, assuming it would be against us. But actually it would be us suing the facility over their decision not to give my mom a drug that she was prescribed because our insurance doesn't cover it. They didn't inform us, and that is a problem. Of course she spits out all of her meds, so I'm not sure how we're going to get that drug into her even if it is available to us. Perhaps blow dart, like they use on elephants in the wild. My older sister is on the case re: meds this morning, so hopefully we'll at least have the drug to offer.

Last night ended with the new caregiving team doing great and my poor sister, whose shoulders this is all falling on, being able to rest. Right now the philosophical difference between her and I is that she believes that mom has another calm spell in her that is worth her having and that I believe that this could be the end of the calm times. My sister has been right many times, so we'll see. 

I feel like when things are this stressful you have to take a step back and pretend she's someone else's mom. If this weren't happening to you, how would you handle it?

Meanwhile I'm still in bed with boy kitten. Cough, headache, fatigue. I will work tomorrow.

I am no help : (

Feisty Mom

My older sister told me a story I hadn't heard. It was pretty fantastic and shows what we've been up against for the past few months...

Middle sister came for a visit this last week, and she brought an animatronic dog for mom. She thought that maybe it could keep her company while she didn't have caregiving at night. But when she got here she learned about mom's Covid, and need to quarantine. This meant that my sister came out here but couldn't visit mom. She decides to leave the animatronic dog at the front desk and to ask our caregiver to say it's a present from all of us kids.

The caregiver gives mom the dog. She's so pissed that my sister is here but not coming to see her that she hurls it to the floor. The caregiver brings the pieces of the dog back up to the bed where mom's sitting and my mom wrings its neck.

That's my mom. Or at least the mom I had recently. Sassy sassy mom. It's so weird to think that I will miss her slings and barbs some day, but I will. That is her personality.

That was yesterday. 

The Hammer did her thing and got the world to bend to her command. Mom is going home to her apartment today. And The Hammer put pt/ot in place and hired additional caregivers and got mom's community to take her back. And when last heard from my mom was verbally abusing the person who was bedside, trying to get her to eat. She is to return home this afternoon.

One thing that is happening due to all of this is that my mom will now have 24/7 caregiving. That is fantastic, and makes it possible for me not to be that caregiver. That's positive, especially since all reports are that she is lots more hateful than before. I don't want her to be awful to other people, but I need to have some options to see or not see her. 

All will be revealed.

Taking A More Somber Tone

OK, so I just finished saying that my mom was like Chucky. Well maybe she's not. She's been a complainer, a threatener and an insult comic in the recent past, but she may actually be winding down.

She's still in the hospital with Covid and some pelvic fractures. She doesn't have her hearing aids with her. We can't see her without risking Covid or agitating her further. Skilled nursing beds for Covid patients have not panned out. And she keeps refusing food. It's just awful.

Our plan b has been getting her back to her apartment in the locked down memory care ward, but their requirements for even considering this are:

1. Mandatory physical therapy
2. Mandatory 24/7 caregiving from here on out

So in order to get mom out of the hospital so we can maybe save her life through nutrition, we have to do those two things. The Hammer got them done. This morning she was super fired up and said she didn't know what she was going to say to whom today, but things would be said. So we think my mom will be released to our care tomorrow. "Our" means our caregivers who will be working in mom's locked down memory care ward.

There is very little I can do. I can imagine the caregivers needing me to bring them things and my not being able to because I'm still symptomatic (I'll do a rapid test again tomorrow). Guess I'll have to rally the troops, or as the Hammer thinks of them, those assholes who don't do anything for the family. She doesn't know that they actually *do* things for the family. 

It's frustrating to be accustomed to being able to help and not to be allowed to. I checked to see if there is any possibility of my visiting my mom at the hospital at this point, but I'm too symptomatic. The fever has gone away but I'm still left with a reduced sense of smell, body aches, exhaustion, runny nose and a cough.

So now we wait. The initial reports talked about recovery, but I don't know what that even means. I guess we'll see.

But Wait! There's More!

OK, so I'm in bed with Covid and my mom has it asymtomatically and is in the hospital with pelvic fractures.

They want to discharge her from the hospital but there is nowhere for her to go. 

There's a full outbreak in her memory care neighborhood so she can't go back there. Nobody can go in or out. Thanks, Old People. I got it from you.

The OT and PT have ranked her as needing the maximum support (plus she has Covid). She can barely lift herself, is in a lot of pain and won't take her meds (including pain meds). Skilled nursing is the only and best place for her. Hah! There are no beds in the area that have that level of care who will *also* take a Covid positive patient. Even if she gets to skilled nursing, I'm not sure how we'll get her 24/7 care. She needs it because she'll try to get out of bed, she'll fall, and will only become more severely injured and not die.

She will not die. My mom is like Chucky.

Meanwhile, back at the hospital she is being horrible to everyone, not taking her meds and not eating. She could end up just running out the clock on this by causing herself to die, but I doubt it. None of us can talk to her because she doesn't have her hearing aids. Nobody can see her because...Covid.

Wow.

I am grateful that I am stuck in my bed for this one. Sisters are on the case and working together peacefully. I feel like crap and I have filled a paper shopping bag with used kleenex, and thank god for The Crown, because I need something consistent to keep me company while I doze.

Malaise: I'll Take It!

Yep.  Day 2 was worse than Day 1! Body aches all over. Shooting pains. Lungs full of goo. Good times! I slept to The Crown most of the day and night.

The scene with my mom is interesting. She has asymptomatic covid and she's in the hospital with small pelvis fractures. The nurse says she's agitated, and my sisters could visit her if they were willing to put themselves at risk. I told middle sister that she should save herself and let mom rage at strangers. Otherwise they'll beg my sister to take her home. That would be bad, because we don't know where she's going. My older sister is in charge of the next steps. 

Older sister is alternating between sending texts asking for info that sound kinda desperate and taking her role as #1 on the decision list for my mom's care seriously. At this point I just have to let them figure it out and not interfere because I'm a drooling puddle of protoplasm.

On the upside, I slept some. And I felt well enough to get my own popsicle out of the freezer. Popsicle was part of an immense care package provided by my nephew and his family. Such a lifeline. He asked what I needed and I said I'd appreciate some more kleenex and popsicles. What arrived was two boxes of popsicles, four boxes of kleenex, mucinex, some hydration supplies, cough drops -- all in a unicorn bag. Wow that all helped. 

Yes! But it's not like now that the crisis phase has ended that i'm dancing the tarantella or anything. I'm a sick pup. As i just told a friend, Covid doesn't really have phases but i feel like I feel different this morning. Less stabbing, more malaise. 

I'll Take It!

More Laughs (Cough Cough) From The Fun Factory

Good lord, it's been a rich week.

Still dealing with what's left of my phone (replacement est. 2 weeks). It has no camera / it won't hold a charge.

Still wearing my Covid mask "because I'm protecting my mom"

and then...

I have a horrible night of body aches after a flu shot and just out of caution I...test positive. Damnit! I go out at 10am for a PCR test, confirming it.

Then I get a Slack from a workmate that there was a 4-alarm fire at the place where my mom just moved from. It started in the apartment next door. Thanks, Cathy. I hope they escort you to Sunrise. Had my mom lived there it would have been so bad. But we're doing pretty well on our own.

In the afternoon I get a call that Mom has Covid. Oh yeah, she that cough on Tuesday (but she always has a cough). I got it from HER! Irony. She has to quarantine in her apartment for 10 days.

In the meantime, my middle sister was en route. She was coming to town for a visit when this all went down. Now she can't visit. But wait, the fun is just beginning.

While I'm shivering in my bed for night two of fun, I let the battery on my partial phone run down. I missed the call at 3:30am that my mom fell and is in the hospital. She would benefit from occupational and physical therapy. But she can go home if she wants, and of course she has Covid. It is double fucked. My sisters have questions. I can't make decisions. I have just enough energy to say "yes, I do need some popsicles and more kleenex" and that's about it.

Covid. It's not fun.

Covid Snark

My therapist said that you should pause before saying something and think "Is it true, kind, necessary or helpful?"

Which is why I turned to mrsguy when my friend won the lottery of season ticket holders to do something special at a Mariners' post-season game. I looked at fb after the mystery honor and saw a closeup of him and lots of other people on the field, holding up part of a gigantic American flag and wanted to comment "They made you TOUCH that thing?"

mrsguy owwwwwwwt!

Angela Lansbury

I have never been the biggest Angela Lansbury fan, but she had a great run. I wish there had been autotune when she did her vocals for Beauty and the Beast. But her performance as Mrs. Johnny Iselin in The Manchurian Candidate was effing amazing. And I once had a revelation while speaking with a friend on the phone with the tv on mute that they used completely different lenses on Angela Lansbury when shooting Murder She Wrote than they used on all of the other actors. Her shots were foggy and sweet and everyone else's were crisp. Anyhoo...

Ten years ago, while working in Mantova, I noticed that the local tv station played multiple episodes of Murder She Wrote in the middle of the day. After work one night I asked two young Mantovani girls what the deal was with this show. When they finally understood what I was referring to, they in unison spoke-sang "OH! YESSSSica!" and then went off to chat. Clearly there was some childhood association there but I never learned what it was.

Good run, Yessica! In other news, I visited my mom after work yesterday, and she was so cozy that she immediately fell asleep. On one hand I am happy that she's happy in that moment, but on the other hand I sometimes wonder why I go? Of course last night I missed a call telling me that she was really hard to get to sleep, and that she wanted them to call the police.

And my sister found this note on Sunday. The blanks are where she wrote her name. I wish there were something I could do but then I'd have to do it. I can't live my life parallel to hers so that we both suffer. At this past week's Alz caregiver support group the facilitator asked how I was doing now that we were transitioning to the memory care folks taking care of her rather than us. I said "Yeahno. That's not really how we do it in my family. I'm there four days a week." On the upside, when I told my middle sister about how I'd missed a call from memory care about mom's behavior, she said that she took it as a good sign that the situation resolved without my needing to deal with it. I almost couldn't believe that level of support in a text from her. Wow.

Anyway when I visit mom and she's sleepy I've gotten into this habit of watching Shark Tank on demand while she sleeps. In that moment, as I listen to her gentle snoring, we're *both* cozy.

Michael's

It’s a good thing that I’ve blogged so much this year, because the only photos I may have are those I’ve either downloaded or those that I’ve sent to others. Good times!

Spent the day with my mom. She needed a drive, so I took her across the bridge and drove past my dead colleague's house. I miss him. I knew she'd like the neighborhood. We drove way into the hills until my mom got scared of the road and wanted to go home. I took her back to memory care, and then she joked that (after spending 5 hours with her) I was "dumping" her off. I left anyway. Exhausted, I decided to do something for myself and check in with Michaels on the status of my framing order

They’d called me a week ago -- the same day as I put my order in -- saying that one of my frames was complete. This wasn’t surprising, as I’d only asked them to float the piece in the middle of an existing mat and frame. But I waited until more of the order was done.

I call them and they say that my three pieces were ready. I puzzled. That wasn’t the number, but whatever.

I get there and they tell me they made a mistake. There was only one, and she’d read the first three letters on another frame order last name and assumed it was mine.

So I take the piece and grumble to myself and put the piece and my cart back in the car. I was distracted. I’d taken my mom on a long drive and I’d been driving, by now, about three hours.

Get back to my house. Where’s my phone? I use Find My, and I see it’s still in the store. I go to the store, and no phone has been turned in. But the lady in framing says “Hey, but I found your other pieces,” and she starts pulling this piece of cardboard out of a plastic sleeve. I tell her that that’s my piece but it hasn’t been framed yet. WTH! Is this a volunteer outfit?

By now I’m losing it. I’ve already run into a friend in the parking lot while I'm looking for my phone, and I’m frantic. I go home again. I tell mrguy that I need his help. Look at Find My again, and realize that I had completely misunderstood. It wasn’t at the store. It was on the freeway onramp coming back from the store. Again, times are good!

We get there, we park, and mrguy saves the day by finding my phone. It is completely pulverized. Screen completely cracked and gross. It does make a “boop” when it’s plugged in, so there’s hope. But it’s warm. While I write to the neighborhood group to find a recommendation for iPhone repair, mrguy finds a safe place to put a hot phone: our grill in the back yard. That’s where I retrieved it this morning and brought it to a place behind a Brazilian food truck. Guy wasn’t there, and I chatted up one of the others waiting for the iPhone guy, and he  showed me his phone which had taken some hits and kept going. I felt hopeful.

And now I’m sitting in Baskin Robbins Plaza, waiting for a different guy to see if he can put my phone back together. I still have hope.

Update: the patient lives (although the camera died). We are now backing up to the cloud and hoping that that works so we can update to a new phone.

Update to the update: after backing up to the cloud overnight, it still says it has 16 hours to go.

Oh, and I opened the package with that one frame I took home. The work wasn't done. It was packed up exactly as they set it aside for the framer. Michael's is now on my shit list.